Chimura Shifumi – “I thought I’d never have that in my life” (March 2022)
Chimu-hello
I’ve been told a lot lately, “Wow, you can do anything.”
And that’s… No, I’m not bragging.
It means that while everyone else was at school, hanging out with their friends and so on, I was just sitting around spending time alone.
Eh, it’s a long story.
I love singing, drawing, I love acting, I love playing guitar, playing games. I also really like watching anime and movies and reading books and manga. I’ve been like that since I was a kid. Because all of these are entertainments that I could go into alone, in my room, in my own, just my own world. And I just learned a few things while I was living that way, that’s all. Like, oh, somehow I even got pretty good at my solitary fun~. On the other hand, I didn’t understand the subjects that are usually taught in school, I didn’t understand social morals and how to behave with people, and so I went out into society and was out of place everywhere. Never before had I gotten everyone’s attention like that and no one praised me – I’ve tried my whole life to avoid attention from people around me as much as possible, pretending I was normal~ harmless~. “No one is interested in what I like, no need to show off, the others will only be disgusted!”
Being aloof, I thought about what ordinary people would do in my place, I wanted to be like everyone else, I didn’t want to be seen as weird.
I wanted to live “like everyone else” and have someone praise me.
“I need to live like everybody else, I need to live like everybody else…”
“Eh? Except I can’t do any of the things that everybody else can do?”
No matter how hard I tried, no matter what I did, my heart was ready to break from this unattainable desire.
Time went on.
It seems so long ago now.
But after I made my debut as part of TOKYO TEFUTEFU, my string broke and there was a big explosion.
At the time, I remember crying at the top of my voice, saying, I can’t live like everyone else, I’m definitely weird… (lol).
And now it’s such a dumb reason for me. Lol.
But back then that nonsense was the goal of all my efforts.
Every day, step by step, I was pushing forward with wild desperation.
Well, although it’s still like that now…
But then I couldn’t breathe properly either.
I was shaky and I was starting to lose myself.
And at that moment, one of the members said to me:
“Of course, I don’t know how you lived before, and it doesn’t matter. From now on, we’re going to love you here.”
And those words were such a salvation to me that there seemed to be no words I would have been more happy about.
“Ahh, I see, so I can just be myself and live here as I am,” I thought.
Surely it was after that that I was able to move forward, truly believing in this place.
So warm, right down to the heat, ready to surround you with so much love, the members.
I have so much respect for them.
My first best friends.
So, so, so, somehow, there was that kind of thing too.
Yeah, yeah, thinking back, I sit and cry.
I’ve been so tearful lately.
So much has changed this year.
Uh, well, everyone looks at me who I am, praises me, appreciates me, and I’m very happy about that. Because I thought I’d never have that in my life.
My whole life before that, when I didn’t love myself.
I feel accepted in everything.
I must have wished for someone to love me.
Eh… Really, I’m so happy to be here.
Thank you for finding me.
Thank you for meeting me.
Thank you for loving me.
It’s not all a trifle.
March 13 at Ebisu LIQUIDROOM
With such dear best friends,
We will perform our last concert as a six-piece.
The same time and the same feelings will never happen again.
A story that was undoubtedly in your life.
Capture it in your heart so that it doesn’t fade, and so that there are no regrets.
And I will do the same.
The impure, desperate human souls of our six.
Please see them with your own eyes and accept them.
And you can do whatever you want with those memories.
For they are yours, yours alone, for the rest of your life.
On this day, yeah…
I think I should give our fans a lot of love♡
Although I usually don’t even say “love” in jest.
I’m sorry, I’m so unsincere.
I’m sure we’re all weak on our own.
But when there are six of us, there’s no way we can lose to anyone!!!
We are the strongest!
And I’ll prove that to you.