Kotetsu – “Stay alive! That’s the most important thing to me” (June 2021)
Kotetsu is the fourth in our series of solo interviews. After debuting in 2017 as part of Kaqriyo Terror Architect (now KAQRIYOTERROR), she became a member of Yukueshirezutsurezure in 2018. And then, when Yukueshirezutsurezure dissolved on January 2, 2021, the girl suddenly joined Zenbu Kimi no Sei da. As the only one in the codomomental who managed to be in three groups in four years, Kotetsu absorbed the characteristics of each of them while also perfecting her own unique approach to performing. And above all, her motto is “positive”. Behind all this, however, is an extraordinarily hot rebellious spirit. And today we will talk about this strikingly straightforward nature of Kotetsu, as well as the history of her four years of activity.
The feeling of despair in the “Tsurezure” songs really touched my heart
– It’s been six months since you joined “Zenkimi.” How do you feel about it?
Kotetsu: It’s finally become fun. At first I was trying my best to keep up with the others, and there was almost nothing in my memory. But lately, the memories have finally started to stick, so it’s been a lot of fun.
– That’s great. And do you remember how your activities in Kaqriyo Terror Architect started in 2017?
Kotetsu: Sure. About two years before I joined “Kaqriyo,” I auditioned for “Tsurezure,” and I didn’t pass at that time. Then, in the summer of 2017, the director called me and said something like, “We’re starting a new group – what exactly do you want: to join codomomental or to join ‘Tsurezure?'” I said I wanted to join codomomental, and they told me to come. That’s how it was decided.
– Why did you decide to audition for codomomental in the first place?
Kotetsu: I accidentally found a “Tsurezure” music video on Twitter. And there were no faces to be seen, and I wondered, “What is this?”, I watched it, and it was so cool that I fell in love at first sight and thought I wanted to be like that. I couldn’t participate in the first audition because of my age, but I applied for the next one right away.
– What exactly made you fall in love with “Tsurezure” at first sight?
Kotetsu: At that time, it was especially hard for me – you could say it was the only time in my life when I felt really bad. My parents were having a hard time and I couldn’t even ask for help, and for the first time I felt lonely. The feeling of despair in the “Tsurezure” songs really touched my heart, and I listened to “Tsurezure” every day and cried. I thought I would get sick if I had to go through everything alone, so I worked a lot of part-time jobs at that time.
– I see. But you didn’t feel lonely at school?
Kotetsu: I had friends at school, but I wasn’t really interested in people, so I didn’t want to be with them all the time. For example, if I’d sit alone at recess and read a book, other people would come up and talk to me, so if you think about it now, I had a lot of kind people around me. And I really didn’t like fighting, so I never fought – so much so that if I thought there might be a fight, I would just break off relations with those people. I never had any particular problems with friendships.
– In order to avoid conflict, did you avoid close relationships with other people?
Kotetsu: Yes, just like that. I lived my life trying to avoid unpleasant things. But I really didn’t like being alone. And I tried to surround myself with people to some extent, but at the same time not to get too close.
– And what were your hobbies back then?
Kotetsu: I liked idols, and I was always attracted to bright, shiny idols. I also liked “live” idols such as Nogizaka46 and AKB48, and I made dance videos of their songs for example. Actually, if you think about it now, the “Tsurezure” weren’t shiny at all (laughs). They weren’t the same as the idols that attracted me, but that’s why I thought that if I couldn’t be shiny, if I could be dark, then I could help people feel better by joining “Tsurezure!” So it was a positive thing.
– Even though you were attracted to idols, did you have any difficulties when it came time for you to go on stage yourself?
Kotetsu: “Kaqriyo” was a new group and I didn’t know what songs to expect, but there was a feeling of excitement that I was entering a whole new world. Except that Nona-chan had experience, so I tried my best to keep up with her. And because of my shyness, I couldn’t dance freely, I sang softly, and I couldn’t look straight ahead… It was so terrible that everyone often got angry. I must have worried the audience as well (laughs). It seemed like I was trying to dance properly, but when I watched the recording, my movements seemed so stiff. Nona-chan was also very angry – she said I had to start with the basics and started teaching me the technique of isolation, started coaching me in everything. I don’t know how to thank her.
– Probably not that long, but it shows that you’ve been nice group mates.
Kotetsu: That’s why I didn’t want anyone else to join “Kaqriyo” after that. I can only say this after the whole thing, but a group of two members is kind of cute, isn’t it (laughs)? When Maro joined the group, I thought, “She sings really well, and she’s tall too,” and I was annoyed, but she was really cool, so in a way I was grateful to her (laughs). “I’ll definitely catch up this time, too!” – That was my attitude.
I didn’t want to change my favorite group.
– Since you avoided socializing to a certain extent during your school years, it was probably new to you to get upset when people around you pointed out things you weren’t capable of doing.
Kotetsu: Yeah, that’s true. But I’m really such a person that when they tell me everything to my face, it just gives me more motivation, it just fuels me. If I’m told, “That’s not good,” I immediately go into the “I’ll do it!” mode, so in that sense I’m glad they got mad at me a lot.
Staff: When she gets praised, she gets angry. She says, “I don’t need it” (laughs).
Kotetsu: Yes. But about every six months, I want to be praised (laughs). Because I want to make sure I did everything right. But otherwise I want to be scolded more so that I can steadily grow.
– This was also felt in the usual interviews, but it turns out that you have quite a rebellious spirit burning within you.
Kotetsu: Looking back, I’ve probably been like that since middle school. I wasn’t good at math, and when they called me up to the blackboard and I couldn’t answer, I thought, “I’ve got to learn how to do this!”
– Is that how you got the hang of singing and dancing?
Kotetsu: I didn’t get the hang of it at all (laughs). In “Kaqriyo,” I had the role of bringing everyone back into the right rhythm when someone started to get lost. For example, in energetic songs, in particularly turbulent moments, I would step back a little bit and try to keep the rhythm going.
– So you had the ability to be quietly aware of the situation in the group.
Kotetsu: I think in general I was pretty calm. Maro and Nona-chan were pretty boisterous by nature, and I wanted to be like them, but I stayed calm. Because I thought if there wasn’t at least one person like that, there would be chaos.
– So after spending a little over a year in “Kaqriyo,” you moved to Yukueshirezutsurezure．
Kotetsu: Even though I knew everyone would probably think I’d given up on “Kaqriyo,” the feeling of fascination still won out. I think it’s because I’m a somewhat uninterested in the people around me, but if I like something and want to try it, I want to challenge myself with it. I was sure that I wouldn’t leave “Tsurezure” no matter what, and after deciding that I could move forward on my love for the group alone, I transferred to “Tsurezure”.
– Didn’t the responsibility of joining a group that you felt so passionately about put pressure on you?
Kotetsu: I was very nervous. Because I didn’t want to change my favorite group. My way of singing was still pretty monotonous and didn’t fit in with “Tsurezure,” but I thought that since I had come this far, I should change, and maybe it’s okay if one person in the group is a little weird, and that allowed me to relax (laughs).
– In fact, by joining “Tsurezure,” you brought new colors to the group. I think your positive energy influenced the group a lot.
Kotetsu: It’s true that the “Tsurezure” songs that I loved so much had only despair in them, and there was hardly any hope in them, but as soon as there were four of us, there were more and more songs to see hope in. But I don’t think it’s because I’m so positive. We got along really well with each other, so of course the rays of hope came through!
– Also, on your last album “paradox soar” there was a song where you hold hands with each other – would you call that the moment when you, who had no interest in others before, connected with someone with a strong bond for the first time?
Kotetsu: I still can’t say that I’m interested in other people, but watching my surroundings, I tried to protect that place. When I saw Koma-chan get sad, I’d go and stick to her, so I guess there was interest after all (laughs). If I didn’t care, I wouldn’t have tried to get close to her so naturally.
– When you joined “Tsurezure,” did you also start to want to actively express yourself?
Kotetsu: At first, I saw how cool Takara was and thought, “She and I joined the group at the same time and she’s already so cool – but what about me?” and got really nervous, so I think it was thanks to Takara that I was able to try my best. Takara and Meimei were like beasts, their role was to break out boldly, and I decided that I wanted to be like a gliding jellyfish.
– Jellyfish…!
Kotetsu: I wanted to be something enchanting!
– And in “Zenkimi,” you must be stimulating each other with Mei Yui Mei, right? I had the impression that you were very good at recognizing other people’s characteristics and trying to find appropriate ways to express yourself based on them.
Kotetsu: I hope so. I almost never go to the forefront alone, so I feel like I’m protecting myself that way. I don’t want to destroy my ideal image or whatever.
– What exactly is it about yourself that you don’t want to destroy?
Kotetsu: Positivity. Optimism. Unwillingness to die. Also the role of softening the mood.
Stay alive! That’s the most important thing to me.
– But why do you stick to positivity to such an extent?
Kotetsu: I think it mostly comes from humility. I’m the only one to blame for everything that’s happened, so even if something bad happens, I think, “Well, I can make myself even happier with my own efforts, right?” And for example, that weird rebellious spirit-if something bad happens suddenly, feelings of irritation come up immediately, and I think, “I’m definitely going to conquer all the peaks and become happy, so know it!
– I see.
Kotetsu: Of course I’m afraid of dying, but if I die, I can’t do anything, so I want to live and be as happy as possible. Besides, I can be happy about anything. For example, “The water tastes good!” or “I met everyone today!” or “What a beautiful sky!” That alone gives me happiness. So even if something bad suddenly happens, if there’s just a little bit of happiness, that’s enough for me.
– Even if it rains outside at the concert, will you still look at it positively?
Kotetsu: I’ll be fine. I’ll think, “How nice!” or “This is lucky for me to cool off!”
– That’s great (laughs).
Kotetsu: I want to tell everyone, “Don’t get discouraged!”
– So by being positive yourself, you want everyone else to be positive?
Kotetsu: Yes. I want everyone to cheer up. That’s the most important thing to me. Maybe it’s just selfishness, but I don’t want anyone I know to die, so I want to say, “No matter what happens, just live!”
– Is there a reason for this wish?
Kotetsu: I think it came after my mother tried to die and I stopped her. At that moment, I immediately thought, “No!” But she’s alive and well now, so she’s fine. You may not be positive, but I want you to at least keep your will to live. Because I’m always there for you. I’m always by your side! I think the worst thing is to experience loneliness, so I want to clearly convey to everyone that they are not alone.
– Isn’t that because you yourself have often been happy to go on living?
Kotetsu: Yes. There’s still so much I want to learn! I want to see and learn a lot of nice and weird things, I want to perform at Budokan and ROCK IN JAPAN FESTIVAL. So it’s too early for me to die!
– That is the most important thing.
Kotetsu: But sometimes I’m too positive and it doesn’t fit at all, and I’m the only one who’s too cheerful (laughs). However, I think that unlike the time I was in “Tsurezure,” I’ve learned to understand my surroundings better. In “Zenkimi,” for example, Oyatsu is even worse at understanding the mood than I am (laughs). She’s always so cheerful and nice, but sometimes she does something completely out of place and ruins everything, and I look at it and think, “So that’s how I was,” and learn a lesson from it (laughs).
– Ha ha ha. But how did you feel about the dissolution of “Tsurezure” at that time?
Kotetsu: It was certainly a shock, but we all shared the desire to end “Tsurezure” with the four of us. We did it on January 2nd, happily holding hands, and those beautiful memories will stay with us and not go anywhere, so I believe that “Tsurezure” is not dead at all. “I will remain the same Kotetsu of ‘Tsurezure’ and try my best in ‘Zenkimi.'” – That was a cheerful spirit.
– You’ve always been fascinated by “Tsurezure,” but how did you look at “Zenkimi”?
Kotetsu: Amazingly powerful, incredibly hot, constantly running back and forth, amazing people (laughs). I looked up to them with a lot of respect. I really loved Omegu and was excited to be in the same place as her.
– Still, they really roll around on stage at their shows, and “Zenkimi” has some pretty different songs too, but what did you notice for yourself when you started working with them?
Kotetsu: I thought that I probably didn’t have any “morbid cuteness” in me, but when I listen to “Zenkimi” songs, I can sympathize a lot, and thinking back to the days when my life was really bad, I realized, “Well, there’s something morbidly cute in me too” (laughs). When I saw the concert at Zepp DiverCity before I joined the group, the newbies were so cool that I even thought, “Do I have a place there…” but I decided to use my scream and try to be bright!
– How do you think the “Zenkimi” performances have changed since you joined the group?
Kotetsu: I think the cool songs have become even cooler. Fufu, An and Kasane obviously don’t know the sadness and fear of losing members yet, and I think I’m good at expressing those feelings. Of course, I’m not even thinking about going to another group anymore, and I think I have to protect “Zenkimi” at all costs. I don’t want to lose anyone.
Meimei is like a sister to me, or maybe even a mom.
– After being in three groups, do you think there’s something you can only show in “Zenkimi”?
Kotetsu: I still don’t quite understand it, but I’ve started to get good at showing the emotions of anger to the other members, so it feels like I’m back to my seven years. It’s like reliving my school days. We don’t hesitate to say everything we want to say to each other, and I’m doing so many things I’ve never done before, so I’m learning more about life every day. I’m discovering for the first time: “Wow, it turns out I can get this angry,” or “Wow, it turns out I can get this sad,” and it’s a strange feeling. “Zenkimi” is clearly a place where I can find sides of myself that I didn’t know I had before.
– It’s interesting!
Kotetsu: When you’re in “Zenkimi,” you’re always thinking, “Speak up!” The other members are definitely accepting and trying to change things, so you always want to say something. There’s also the curiosity of “If I say this, what will they say to me?” and this is probably the first time I’ve been able to really think about the group.
– That’s a great accomplishment. What would you say about your relationship with Mei Yui Mei?
Kotetsu: Mei is really like family to me. A sister, or maybe even a mom… She and I are really too much like family – never trying to please each other, and like we’re interesting to each other, but like we’re not (laughs). I can talk to her about anything and she’s someone I don’t want to lose, so we talk all the time every day from morning till night. She’s really cool – I have a lot of respect for her and she helps me a lot.
– In her solo interview, Mei Yui Mei-san said that she thinks you are excellent because you can express very different emotions and are capable of any kind of performance.
Kotetsu: Come on~ (laughs). But I think Meimei is definitely cuter. She says she’s “not cute,” she says she “can’t do it,” but when you talk to her and see her at a show, she’s so expressive. She laughs so those big eyes are just invisible behind her eyelids, she opens her mouth like she’s saying “Wah!” so she’s really cute (laughs). But when she’s cool, it’s really like she becomes a beast, and it’s just amazing. I’ve never seen anyone put so much emotion into their scream, so I respect her a lot.
– So you two are remarkably similar in your attitudes toward each other.
Kotetsu: When I see Meimei, I want to be cute too. When I try to sing cute, I try too hard and end up sounding like Doraemon (laughs). I want to become even more enchanting, I want to learn how to do everything. Also, I want to cry during concerts. Usually my emotions don’t swing that much, so I don’t cry. But I want to rip off this weird shell so I can have a chance to cry with everyone else.
– There’s a lot to look forward to on the new tour. I’m looking forward to seeing how your expressiveness, which has already absorbed a lot, is going to improve even more.
Kotetsu: Oh! I’ll do my best. But I don’t want to be praised (laughs), so I want to try my best and learn subtle expressiveness so that I can share even more emotions with everyone.