Mei Yui Mei – “When everyone else was listening to idols, I was listening to heavy metal” (May 20, 2021)
Good evening, I’m here today for the Zenbu Kimi no Sei da column in “Skream!” – “Strangenesses are the norm.” At this late (?) hour, I, Mei Yui Mei, am responsible for it.
I sing and dance, but I’m probably best known for my scream. It may sound immodest, but I, with my “angelic” member color and small body of 147 centimeters tall, I am sure that with my scream I will not lose even to men.
Let me start by telling you a little bit about myself. Ever since I was a kid, I wasn’t interested in things that girls used to think were “cute.” When everyone else was listening to idols, I was listening to heavy metal. When everyone else was watching love doramas, I was watching late-night anime. Instead of bright cute clothes, I wore all-black. I liked crosses, angels and demons, mythology, anime, games and silver accessories. And heavy music. And exactly in eighth grade I got the “eighth-grader syndrome.” I drew crosses and hexagrams on my fingers with a marker, calling them “the marks of the devil, which appear only on those who have been recognized by God,” and as soon as they were erased, I drew them again. One day, when I ran outside in the middle of summer for some reason, my eyes turned red, and red patterns appeared on my body, as if I were a dragon. And I thought, “This is so cool, I must be a vampire!” But it was just a severe allergy to ultraviolet light… From that moment on, I started avoiding sunlight completely and became a shut-in, not getting out of anime, games and music.
At this rate, it’s going to come down to talking about my favorite anime or games, so I’ll stop here. Under my parents’ influence I grew up on heavy metal and rock from an early age, I loved to sing and play guitar. During my high school years I started a band where I played guitar and sang. Again, I’m jumping around from topic to topic, but it seems like I grew up gifted with a lot of love, but I always felt alone. And no matter what I did, I never felt fulfilled. For as long as I could remember, I never felt happy. I don’t know why, but I have a habit of worrying about what other people think of me. And before, when I did that, I spoke and acted in a way that suppressed my own will. So as soon as I was alone, I was immediately overcome with loneliness: “No one understands me, no one knows me.” But that’s not surprising. After all, it was me who was killing myself. Of course, my feelings were not conveyed to anyone. And one of the things that filled that loneliness was music. And as much as I needed music when I was lonely, I wanted to be needed by someone.
On February 3, 2018, I joined Yukueshirezutsurezure. It was the group that I put my all into for the first time. First show, first scream, first tour across the country. So many raised hands and cheers that came to me from the hall. Here I experienced something I had never experienced before- something that was able to fully satisfy my feelings, something I could call happiness. This is what I unwittingly felt at the concerts. And this is the reason why I couldn’t leave the stage. Yukueshirezurezure disbanded on January 2, 2021. I still listen to them a lot now when I’m lonely or want to get energized. They’re always so cool, and they’re always there when I need them. They still live on. I can’t let go of the music again.
And at the same time now I’m dancing, singing, screaming, living in Zenbu Kimi no Sei da, putting all my life on the line. As we give ourselves with all our might to the concert, the fans respond to us. And as we step onto an even bigger stage, we respond to them. There are beloved members and fans who are living for Zenbu Kimi no Sei da concerts. So many such completely different people, but at a Zenbu Kimi no Sei da concert, everyone becomes one. At this time, we forget all the unpleasant things that haunt us in life, and we raise our hands together, laughing and crying. I can’t forget that feeling, I want to experience it again – that’s why I love music, that’s why I keep performing on stage. I’m going to keep devoting my whole body and soul into the Zenbu Kimi no Sei da concerts and to our fans.
Even though Yukueshirezutsurezure, who I loved so much, disbanded, I still crave to stay on stage, and going back to the title of the column – me living in Zenbu Kimi no Sei da now – is that strangeness? The norm? “Strangenesses are the norm.”