Mizutani Kazuki – “I was going to be done with music. And, by the way, with my life” (December 21, 2022)
Hello, long time no see.
It’s been so long that even these two lines seem like something distant.
I would like you to try at least a little bit to remember me, and if you are reading this, be prepared for it to be by no means an easy read.
I thought I should give some sort of explanation before I let people know the circumstances under which I returned.
I have been silent for the past two years.
I wish I could write as casually as possible, but there’s nothing else I can wrap my words in.
I will say what I want to say in my own way.
From my point of view.
There are things I won’t say, and I choose my words carefully.
No one is going to be thrilled with one-sided judgments and rotten feelings that can only be shared anonymously, are we?
I can’t just say, “I’m sorry to make you worry.”
It was two years that I don’t even want to remember.
In the end, I was going to be done with music.
And, by the way, with my life.
I’m a composer.
And above all, I (still) want my work to be successful.
Of course, that’s natural.
And even though I’m a composer, it’s not the same as a freelancer or an office worker.
All the way up to this point, I’ve been working under the same roof with idols.
However, I believe that this way of working has its advantages and disadvantages.
- One advantage is that I can get to know artist’s personality better before I even start working. This is the biggest feature and the biggest advantage.
- The disadvantage is that the artist’s defeat is our defeat; it is transmitted directly to us. The opposite is also true.
First of all, how many people, when they listen to a song (let’s say an idol), try to know the “name” of the composer?
I don’t think there are no such people at all, but if it’s not about promotion, it’s very rare.
But it’s not a problem at all. In fact, it’s normal.
What do I have to do to get people to start recognizing my name?
- I need to write the coolest music possible.
- I need to make these girls at least a little bit popular.
Make it so that only my songs for agency groups are the coolest? It doesn’t work that way.
It’s not the time, and it’s not at all what I was doing before.
The best thing I can do is the second option: give them generous support and give my best effort. And don’t stop.
I believed that if I did that, the day would come when people would say, “If it’s a ***’s song, it’s definitely a hit.”
Except the reality is not so bright. And it’s pretty bitter.
All these recent departures-comes-and-departures.
Surely everyone has different circumstances. I don’t know, though.
I find out everything from Twitter myself, I don’t even have a chance to get emotional.
And when I finally ran out of arms and legs, I was, of course, stunned at the thought of how many more fingers I’ll have to bend.
When we lost one person or another, we didn’t think about starting from zero, but we tried desperately to at least keep the motivation to start from one.
How the remaining members felt is beyond description.
And then, even though I didn’t want that at all, suddenly “different person I used to know” shows up in my feed.
Some will want to “wholeheartedly support her,” while others will wonder, “And that’s what you wanted?”
I don’t want them to be unhappy at all, but I couldn’t let myself wish them happiness.
I know it’s better not to say such things openly.
But on the other hand, there are so many that it would be strange not to touch on the subject.
I wonder how many songs and how many hours have gone nowhere?
Self-sacrifice is common to me, but I never thought about that.
Let’s change the subject a little bit.
I’ve been here since the beginning. So-called “an inside man.”
The number of our groups grew, but the number of authors stayed the same.
Knowing that you always have something to offer, that you always have work to do is something I’m really grateful for.
Also, it’s really nice to be able to be around and see these girls grow.
To make even a small staff of writers look like a big company.
I’m the kind of person who wants each group to have its unique flavor.
It’s not like “the kid doesn’t pick the parent,” but I wanted each of them, who don’t usually pick their songs, to have their own tracks that they could shine in.
I didn’t care what I looked like.
I wanted to show that this label can work with any genre.
I’m a rock musician, but I’ve explored new genres and techniques, spent a lot of money on instruments and plug-ins.
Maybe that’s normal for people who write music on PC, but I put a fair amount of effort into the company.
Not that I was forced to, it’s probably just a personal whim of mine.
(Good thing we have similar tastes and sense of style).
I didn’t want people to think, “All the songs they (the company) releases are the same.”
At some point, outside writers started to get involved.
It’s something I was prepared for and knew it was going to happen at some point.
I’m well aware of that as part of policy and strategy.
But I had been working with syva-san and Takahiro-san for years, and so it was hard for me to accept at first.
At the same time, then, I also began to be in charge of recording.
I rented a room and even built a soundproof room for everyone.
The situation I wrote about above also meant that the pace of production was not as fast as before.
After that, the number of works written by outside authors only increased.
And the line I set for myself was also easily crossed.
“Real” hits started coming one after another, so much so that I, who hadn’t stopped pushing my limits all this time, began to feel silly.
I wondered if it really should be me.
In a way, I thought it was a chance to do something to get people to recognize me.
I thought that since the number of authors had increased, it would be nice to try to stand out among them.
I don’t know what it looked like from the outside.
Certainly a “hero” would be more appreciated than some “inside” NPC who had been out there since the beginning of the story.
“Our song was composed by ***-san!” – For us composers, who are primarily promoters, being “an inside man” is quite disadvantageous, I thought.
After all, it’s no longer common for me to talk about my work either.
If you look at the words alone, it is nothing more than the whining of a loser.
But that’s not what I want to say.
I thought it was “unfair.”
Suppose if you take the same song and throw it out there for all to see.
Maybe there’s a place where it would be enjoyed more.
And I don’t care how many people leave afterwards.
Such a disgusting thought crossed my mind.
So painful were those lost days for me.
These two years I have been silent.
Unfortunately, what I have written here is not everything.
There are many other different things that are related.
I wonder what it looks like from the outside.
Like a mere criticism of the company?
Even though I wrote it all, I want to say that I’m staying here because I love both the idols and the artists of codomomental.
Of course, what I’ve written here, if it’s any complaints, I bring it up personally.
Both to the company and to the director.
But there are some things that can’t be helped.
I want both the newcomers and those who stayed to equally do their best.
We can’t forget that “we can’t exist on our own.”
Thank you so much for reading to the end.
I’m sorry if anyone was disappointed in me.
I was “going to” be done with music. That means that in the end I decided to go on. Thanks to one occasion, I was able to stay here.
And today, before I tell you about it, I wrote about the feelings I wanted to convey to you.
On Christmas Eve, if you don’t have plans, be online.
I’m sure I can tell you something good.
Something to do with music.
And since you have waited patiently for two years, I kindly ask you to spread the word.
Mizutani Kazuki.